I tried, I gave it my best shot, it didn’t work out, and if I hadn’t tried I’d never know and I’d still be wondering.
Reader, I went to the doctor and I started the Sertraline. I read somewhere “being mentally ill sucks, the drugs suck, it’s choosing the least sucky option”. The decision was not made lightly, but having made the decision I felt like a great weight had lifted off me, devastated and totally drained, I was off work for 2 weeks, I needed that space to come to terms with my decision and what had happened.
Whether I like it or not, I have been feeling a lot better. I’m relieved to be feeling better, and trying not to think too hard about whether there are any long term implications to being dependent on a drug, and take one day at a time.
This decision is the right one for me at this point in time, it wasn't all bad, the tapering method worked for me for a long time and it works for many other people who have successful outcomes, who knows, I might revisit it at some time in the future.
I discovered the meaning of my recurring dream.
Something positive to have come out of this journey is that I’ve discovered I have some absolutely fantastic supportive friends in real life and on line, and a fantastically supportive husband and parents.